One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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