O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
