Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
