Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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