My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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