The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
bring money and cleavage
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
