So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
