we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize