Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
