he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Found your dick twin last night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
