No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
how drunk are you?
Several
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
