i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
