just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
