his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
