actually, I'm a sock model
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
