dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
