my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
