So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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