We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
