one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
