I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
