when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
