i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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