if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
