she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
