White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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