just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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