You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
