I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
