i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
