I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
