you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
