god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
