i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
