Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
