her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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