So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
