Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
