I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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