Porn is love you can see.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
