She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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