is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
