i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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