you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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