there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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