Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
