Where is the hickey?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
