Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
do nipples grow back?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
