FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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