the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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