thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
