The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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