Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
