You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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