I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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