just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
