first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
