I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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