Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
