I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
