I CAN MOONWALK!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
