I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
