i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
