im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
