The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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